I Like Me Some Hammerhead Babies
by Crackfics-ftw
Summary: In a twist of fate, Iruka meets his destined love while facing the consequences of a jealous ex-lover. Warning: AU and Yaoi-ness.    P.s. We don't own these characters.


I Like Me Some Hammer-head Babies.

The song Iron by Woodkid is the soul of this fictional story. LISTEN TO IT while you read… it will make you understand the title.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

Once upon a time lived DOLPHIN Iruka, the one dolphin that no one really liked because of the humongous scar on his face. He lived a sad and lonely childhood, losing his DOLPHIN parents at a young age after the horrendous attack of the nine pointed starfish demon. To deal with his pain he rammed his nose into sharp coral, causing the brutal scar he now possesses.

One day he decided to end his pain, by going into SHARK territory, which is DOLPHIN SUICIDE. On the way he passed the fish baskets, from his concerned DOLPHIN neighbors. He also passed the gully of the hidden leaves, the anchor of a thousand truths, and the Uchiha coral reef of infamy. Finally reaching his destination, he swam up to the high court to present himself as a scrumptious DOLPHIN treat.

To his surprise the guards did not instantly devour him; instead, they dragged him to the throne room in order to gain respect from the SHARK KING for their gift. Oh! It's a starfish. How lovely. Seeing Irurka's horrendous scar, the guards plopped the starfish on top of his DOLPHIN deformation.

So then Iruka the DOLPHIN was tossed in front of the SHARK KING, Kisame, KING OF THE SHARKS. Finding DOLPHIN Iruka extremely attractive, he took his virtue right then and there.

His hardened and lengthy shark dick was slick with shiny azure scales. Iruka's soft, virgin, DOLPHIN skin shivered in fear and his DOLPHIN anus was unprepared for the brutal assault. A rough piece of coral helped in the preparation of his DOLPHIN anus, nice and stretchy. There was blood in the water. All the sharks in the vicinity became painfully aroused. Kisame's dick grew bigger and bigger until it was OVER 9000 feet long! Damn, that's a large dick. Iruka cried out in surprise. He was then taken again and again until the king's dick felt like it had been fucked by a pixie. Kisame had blown his bubbles, dropped the anchor, and sunk the ship. What a good TROUT.

"Let's have HAMMER-HEAD babies, my DOLPHIN Iruka."

"Of course, your majestic sharkiness." Iruka purred.

Kisame sunk Iruka's battleship until the break of DOLPHIN dawn.

The next morning, Iruka felt very sick with a bulging stomach. He was rushed to the SHARK emergency room where he gave birth to a beautiful NARWHAL baby Kakashi. NARWHAL Kakashi immediately stabbed Sasuke, the PUFFER FISH. Damn! That's a large horn!

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

"I heard about your brother, SHARK Itachi. I'm really sorry." SHARK KING Kisame, KING OF THE SHARKS lashed his tail in false sympathy.

"It's alright. He was a bitch anyways." SHARK Itachi replied.

SHARK Itachi was jealous of DOLPHIN Iruka. He wished he could have all of Kisame's beauteous SHARK dick inside of him. All up in dat ass. SHARK Itachi decided to sabotage Kisame and Iruka's rocking of the boat.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

SHARK Itachi cornered Iruka on a Sunday afternoon.

"DOLPHIN Iruka, Kisame hates you and wants you out. He thinks your SON Kakashi is a deformity and officially banishes you from the SHARK Kingdom."

"Oh snap…" Iruka replied.

DOLPHIN Iruka swam away in a flurry of bubbles, NARWHAL Kakashi in tow. He passed the Uchiha coral reef of infamy and the anchor of a thousand truths into the gully of hidden leaves. Alone and depressed, he cried DOLPHIN tears of pathetic angsty angst.

"DADDY Iruka, are you alright?" NARWHAL Kakashi asked.

"Shut up Mokuba."

"My name is NARWHAL Kakashi!" he screamed, stabbing the bystander EEL Orochimaru in frustration.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

SHARK KING Kisame, KING OF THE SHARKS, growled out in frustration.

"WHERE IS MY BELOVED, *DOLPHIN* IRUKA?"

SHARK Itachi sauntered over to the king.

"That PEST Iruka is gone. Now you and I can have glorious HAMMER-HEAD SHARK babies."

"Go burn and oceanic hell i.e. an aquarium." SHARK Kisame said venomously.

"Why do you even like that pathetic DOLPHIN that no one really likes?" SHARK Itachi screeched.

"My love for DOLPHIN Iruka is everlasting like plastic roses. It knows no bounds. If the ocean were to disappear, our glorious, passionate, love-love would still be here." SHARK KING Kisame, KING OF THE SHARKS, swam off angrily into the sunset searching for his one and only love, DOLPHIN Iruka.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

The ramen noodle of everlasting love suddenly appeared in the form of awesome and drew closer to SHARK KING Kisame as he searched. THE SHARK KING Kisame, in a depressed frenzy began slurping furiously at the wobbly noodley-noodle in hopes that it would aid him in his quest to find his DOLPHIN Iruka.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

In the form of awesome, the noodle ramen of noodle everlasting noodle of noodle love dropped down in front of the DOLPHIN no one really liked. DOLPHIN Iruka followed his instincts and sucked on that sunken treasure like it was his lovers anchor.

They sucked and sucked and sucked some more until fate brought them to the field of anemones. DOLPHIN Iruka choked on the noodle as he cried tears of love as he was reunited with his beloved SHARK KING Kisame, KING OF THE SHARKS! They enjoyed relearning each other's bodies with a quick tipping of the boat and raising of the sails.

They returned to the SHARK Kingdom and lived happily ever after. NARWHAL Kakashi then stabbed a random SEA CUCUMBER.

The end.

(((° (((° (((° FISH (((° (((° (((°

A.N.

Thanks for taking the time to read, it means a lot to us. We worked hard on this fanfic! Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thanks again!

- Crackfics-ftw


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